Anticipating Sweet Rewards
by rsb57
Summary: This is the sequel to The Sweetest Reward. Set during Sweet Revenge, Starsky is still recovering.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF STARSKY AND HUTCH FRANCHISE. THE FOLLOWING IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY.**

This is the sequel to The Sweetest Reward.

Starsky's sweetest reward so far was his survival of the near fatal attack by James Marshall Gunther and his hitmen. He was left struggling to recover after the horrific gun shot wounds had turned his life upside down.

He was only weeks away from going home after three months at Memorial Hospital. The first month was a blur. He had no real memories but knew that Hutch was the reason he had survived.

He didn't want to know the specifics of the first weeks as a comatose patient. He saw the fear and pain around him even though everyone tried to be upbeat and positive. Starsky often saw the raw emotion and guilt reaching Hutch's eyes before he could check the memories. Emotion made the blue eyes moist with worry, fear and uncertainty. It was in Hutch's nature to feel guilt when Starsky's welfare was involved. Starsky knew the blond man needlessly blamed himself for not being able to anticipate or stop the attack.

The less said about the cardiac arrest, the better. He shivered as he realized, not for the first time, just how seriously injured he had been. He was extremely thankful that no one had given up on him.

At first he was in a coma and basically kept alive by a number of machines, surgeries and IV solutions. His first conscious memory was of Hutch's blue eyes, infusing Starsky with the love and trust he needed to pull himself out of the all encompassing fog.

He didn't think he'd ever be able to erase the first panic filled moments of his awakening, from his mind.

Pure terror threatened to over take him as he struggled to wake up and he realized he couldn't move or communicate. The invasive, suffocating feel of the ventilator hose down his throat caused Starsky to search Hutch's blue eyes. He understood and accepted the promise of safety and trust he saw reflected in the eyes above him.

Starsky would never forget his first small victories that grew into more major accomplishments. The first time he sat on the edge of the bed felt like he was looking down a mountainside. Finally making that historic walk to the bathroom and back to bed was another boost to Starsky's fragile ego.

Gretchen had become one of his strongest supporters. She was in charge of his rehabilitation but to Starsky, she was his life line.

That first short walk consisted of a small army of support. Hutch and Gretchen on either side of him, with Hutch steering the IV pole which held the 3 solutions he still required and Starsky leaning heavily on the walker he pushed in front of him. That triumphant walk from bed to bathroom and back was more like a marathon for the dark haired man.

By the time he had successfully finished his business and got back to bed, he was worn out, sweaty and out of breath.

The damage to his lung was still a major concern. The doctors could not be sure how much further his lung capacity would improve. Along with the lung damage Starsky was still suffering from the trauma to his left shoulder, arm and hand.

His right hand was almost as good as new. According to Hutch, Starsky would now be part of the right handed world. The teasing was just that, but the damage to his left arm was no joke. He had very little strength in that hand. He could not grip anything heavier than a half full styrofoam cup. He laughed to himself as the thought of half full or half empty came to him. He preferred his glass half full.

Trying to grasp even a spoon or other eating utensil with his left hand was hit or miss. Mostly the utensil 'hit' the floor or else it 'missed' his mouth. He could not make a fist without it causing pains to shoot up his hand all the way to his neck.

Today though had been a good day. He was finally free of all IV antibiotics which for the last 3 weeks he had been hooked up to only at night. His appetite was coming back. He could not eat much but instead he ate smaller amounts more often.

He had put on some weight in the last few weeks. Maybe some of that was due to the things his mother made and brought in to tempt his taste buds.

Slowly his body began to respond to the therapy he participated in. Despite the problems with his left arm and hand, he was gaining strength.

From the beginning, Gretchen had let it be known that she was not going to accept anything but Starsky's full out effort and willingness to improve. Unknown to Starsky, Gretchen had started out talking to Hutch and David's other friends before she had even met the dark haired man. She wanted to hear if from the people who knew David best about his personality and what made him tick. She found out he was competitive,independent, resourceful and that he did not give up on anything without a fight. She was glad to experience first hand his great sense of curiosity about the world around him.

Gretchen challenged Starsky daily to push himself but helped him accept what each stage in his recovery brought him.

Starsky was currently sitting in the outside garden on the main level of the hospital. He was not allowed yet to wander around by himself in case he fell or became too weak to continue, but just getting outside was enough. He walked half way with the use of his cane but had to resort to the wheelchair by the time he and his mother had gotten to the garden patio.

Starsky was very much concerned with his lack of stamina but he tried to be positive and be grateful for what he had.

Starsky and Rachel were sitting at the round white metal table enjoying the balmy, bright afternoon. Rachel was knitting a sweater and Starsky had started out looking through his latest muscle car magazine but had put it aside to continue an earlier discussion with his mother.

"Ma, I told you, I don't want you spending your money on something as permanent as a house. Even if it is for me. Are you sure you can even afford it?", Starsky looked with concern at his mother.

Rachel set her knitting aside and bit her lip as she thought about her answer.

"David, I have a nest egg which is just begging to be used. I put my house in the hands of my attorney before I came out here and I have since contacted him and gave him permission to rent out the house until I get back. Nicky is out of town doing whatever he does and has not given me any indication of his return. He hasn't even called in 3 weeks to find out about you so--- forget him!" Rachel made a sour face and swiped her hand through the air as if wiping away Nicky's petulance from her memory.

"Ma, I know Nick is a disappointment and a worry, but you've done enough for him now. He's taken advantage of everything you've tried to do for him so you're right not to invest anymore worry over him.", Starsky reached over and patted his mother's shoulder as shame and guilt washed over his mother's face.

"Enough sadness now!" Rachel mentally shook the worry from her mind and proceded to tell Starsky about the little house she and Hutch found.

"You'll love it David! Trust me! It's a little ranch style house surrounded by trees and a little garden in the back. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms. It's on a dead end street, outside of Bay City. Hutch says it's not a bad commute for you guys but it's in a good neighborhood and only a few miles from the beach."

Rachel glowed as she described the bargain that Hutch and his attorney had found for them. She didn't tell David about the repairs it needed or how Hutch had helped her with the down payment. Rachel was determined that the house would belong to David when she left and she had only accepted Hutch's offer of money to ensure that the house was hers.

Actually, she hoped that after she left, Hutch would move in with David. She worried about David being alone at all and knowing that Hutch was close by would ease her mind when she returned to New York.

"Ma, you're too much!" Starsky beamed at his mother.

He had been so worried that his illnesses would be too much for her to handle. But she had been his best cheerleader and Starsky was glad for the opportunity to have his mother with him.

Starsky yawned and rubbed his face with his hand.

"I think I've had enough of fresh air and sunshine. I'm tired and Gretchen is comin' later for my therapy. I think I need a nap before that!" Starsky smiled at his mother but privately he kicked himself for admitting to her that he was tired.

Back in his room, Starsky got into bed and sank gratefully against the mattress and pulled the blanket around him. It wasn't long before his eyes grew heavy and he gave up to the nap that had become a necessary part of each day.

---------

Sometime later, Starsky rolled over on his side and let out a surprised yelp. He still had trouble with pain on his left side, particularly if he had been in one position for a long time. It startled him to be awakened by pain and not the natural awareness that he craved. Just once, he'd like to wake up and be able to jump out of bed instead of the slow, deliberate movements it took to get his body functioning again.

He slowed his breathing and looked around as he readjusted himself to a sitting position. He yawned and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Just as he got himself to a standing position, Gretchen walked in to his room. She watched as Starsky steadied himself before taking the few steps to the wheelchair.

"David, good job. You were so steady and strong on your feet this time. You must be having a good day!" Gretchen smiled at the dark haired man. She really liked this man's personality and was glad that it was springing to the surface so easily these days.

"Just give me a week or two and I'm gonna be chasin' you down the hall!", Starsky teased.

"I think you've already been chasing me!---", Gretchen caught her self as she realized how that statement sounded.

She lowered her eyes and mentally shook herself. This man really confused her sometimes. She had to put herself back in the rehab frame of mind if she was to continue helping him.

Gretchen changed the subject back to the task at hand.

"How about a little workout?" She threw a gray ball in his direction and it landed in his lap. He reached down for it with his left hand without thinking.

"Another terrific step there buddy! Do you realize what you just did? You reached with your left hand and actually were able to grasp the ball!" Gretchen clapped her hands like an excited child and continued with instructions about the ball.

"This is an exercise ball. It's gonna be your constant companion for awhile."

The gray ball was about the size of a tennis ball and was very smooth and had a slightly sticky feel to it.

Gretchen coached Starsky about how to work with the ball.

"David, first pick it up in your right hand. Feel how squishy it is? Now squeeze it and watch as your fingers leave ridges and patterns in the ball as you hold it. Now, release your grip and the dents fill in and it goes back to its original shape. I want you to work both your hands with the ball but mainly the left one. We need to concentrate on that hand now and get more flexibility in it."

Starsky had been watching Gretchen and a slow, appreciative smile spread across his face.

Gretchen scolded him with a laugh in her voice.

"David, will you pay attention please!"

Starsky grinned back and answered,

"I am paying attention!"

Gretchen shook her head and continued.

"I mean, pay attention to this exercise!"

Starsky picked up the ball in his left hand. He winced slightly as the needle sensations started spreading up his hand to the elbow. But he kept the ball in his hand and did his best to sqeeze the mushy surface.

The most that happened with the first attempt was that the thumb was the only digit that made a slight mark on the ball. He let his hand relax as the ball plopped into his lap.

"Don't even think about the negative David. You held that ball and that in itself was an accomplishment." Gretchen praised David as she ruffled his curls.

"How the hell can you be so cheerful all the time? But I guess that's what makes you so beautiful!" Starsky flashed his crooked grin and watched as a shy smile spread across her face and crinkled her green eyes.

"Never mind the flirting! It's time for a walk! Three times around the floor for you today. Use your cane and try to keep your pace steady. I'll follow you again with the wheelchair." Gretchen put her business face on and gestured Starsky to get up and move.

He had finished the second lap around the outside hall of the floor where his room was. It was longer than the one that just went around the nurse's station. Gretchen often used this hall instead of going to the therapy gym. It gave David more of an obstacle course and forced him to keep his head up and watch where he was going.

As Starsky finished the third lap, his back and legs cramped and he was short of breath. But as he came around the corner and saw Gretchen waiting for him, those difficulties melted away and were replaced with Gretchen's trusting green eyes and the triumpant smile spreading over her face.

As he reached the wheelchair that she held, Starsky plopped down in the seat, tilted his head back and winked.

A round of applause followed the wheelchair as the two headed back for Starsky's room. The nurses and staff had become very fond of David. He worked hard and everyone knew about his unbelievable recovery.

------

Once back in the room, Starsky pushed himself up out of the wheelchair and transferred into the recliner. He was out of breath and shaky but what he had just done felt really good.

They had formed the habit of sitting for awhile together after each therapy session. Starsky would settle himself wherever he felt comfortable and Gretchen would get two cups of water and either applesauce or chocolate pudding for them to enjoy.

She set the treats on the bedside table and reached for Starsky's wrist to check his pulse. She was relieved when his pulse was already returning to its normal rhythm and the natural coloring spread back over his face.

Starsky had really pushed himself today. He was doing more and more and she sometimes wondered if he was trying to do too much. But having come to appreciate his strong will, she knew better than try to slow him down.

"David? You feel okay?" She looked into his tired eyes but also recognized the glimmer of friendship she saw growing there.

"Gretchen, I really like hearing you say my name. That one word from you pushes me so many times to finish whatever it is I started out to do. If I feel myself loosing courage, you keep me going. I trust you. There aren't a lot of people I put that much faith in. Hutch and I are partners on the street and I trust him with my life. We watch each others back. I can't imagine my life without him. But you are on that list of people I trust now too. You watch out for me in a different way."

Starsky stopped and reached out to grasp her hand. Gretchen mentally noted that he had used his left hand!

"But all I know about you is that you like the killer buritto at The Buritto Barn and that you have beautiful green eyes!", Starsky continued as he met her gaze.

He continued holding her hand as he watched the flicker of uncertanty cross into her eyes.

"Now we are going to spend time talking about you for a change.!"

Gretchen blushed as Starsky finished his sentence. She bent her head down to hide the rosey bloom that was spreading across her cheeks.

Starsky reached up and lifted her chin until their eyes locked. He refused to let her look down. He held her gaze and marveled at the tender, misty look that came over her.

Finally she cleared her throat and blinked. She broke the contact but did not pull away.

"David, you take my breath away. Behave or I'll leave right now."

She couldn't have left at that moment for anything. She was held by the dark blue color of his eyes and the comforting smile on Starsky's face.

She sighed as she thought about what to tell Starsky.

"Well, my nickname is Grey. When my little brother was 3, he couldn't say my name. It came out sounding like Grey. That name stuck and ever since then that's what my family and friends call me." Gretchen sat up as she saw amusement spreading across David's face.

"You wanted to know, so don't laugh! Anyway. I grew up in San Francisco. I've lived in Bay City for almost two years and have worked at Memorial Hospital all of that time. I have a dog named Chester. My favorite color is yellow. I call my dad every Friday night. My mom died about 3 years ago. I really miss her David."

Gretchen's eyes clouded over as she thought about her mom.

Starsky patted Gretchen's hand and sat forward in the chair.

"Grey--- I like that although I 'd rather call you Rose. Your hair and skin make me think of a pale, pink rose.--- But enough with the mush!--- Hey I call my mom every Friday night! Maybe since my mom is playing matchmaker with us, we should fix her up with your dad!"

Starsky chuckled as he thought about turning his mother's matchmaking habits around on her for a change!!

"I know,-- my mom isn't real subtle about pushing us together. She just wants me to be happy. Don't be offended by it.", Starsky pleaded.

"Your mother couldn't offend anyone. She is the sweetest woman. She makes me laugh. The two of you are so alike!", Gretchen commented.

Starsky's mouth twitched as he tried to stiffle a groan of pain that gripped him. He hated to admit it, but the walk had taken its toll and now his back and hips were very sore.

Gretchen picked up on the change in his eyes as the pain reflected there made his eyes turn a darker blue.

"Buddy, I think you need a pain pill and a nap before dinner.---don't argue-- give in to what your body needs." Gretchen helped Starsky stand up and guided him over to the bed.

"Ya wanna join me?", Starsky tried making a joke but he was grabbed by another stitch of pain that shot down his legs.

"Not today, Valentino. I'll go get the nurse and she'll get you settled."

"Just ask my mom, she'll tell you I'm more the Paul Muni type!!", again Starsky tried to tease Gretchen but it came out more of a hiss than a joke.

Starsky grumbled as he swallowed the pain pill and tried to find a comfortable position on the bed. He had not had pain like this for a few weeks. He was frustrated by that and scared.

Gretchen had learned to read David's eyes if she wanted to know what he was really feeling. Right now his blue eyes had turned almost black with pain and fear. She knew the cause and tried to reassure David.

"I'm afraid you've hit a plateau in your recovery, David.--"

"Ya mean the plateau hit me!"Starsky spat out between gritted teeth. He curled into himself, trying to get a grip on the twisting knife edge cutting through his body.

"You've been very active lately and this is your body's way of slowing you down a bit. You need to rest for a day---"

Starsky's eyes flew open at Gretchen's words and he interrupted her sentence.

"No! I'm not stoppin' or slowin' down. Gotta keep pushing!" Starsky sucked in his breath, fear making the knot in his stomach lurch upward toward his chest.

"David, calm down. Let the pain pill help you. You can't make your body do something it isn't ready for. Give yourself a day and you'll see, you won't have lost any ground. In fact, with a day's rest, your body will spring back like that exercise ball. You won't have lost any time at all. But if you don't slow down for a day, you'll do more harm and then that'll definately keep you off your feet for even longer than a day.--- c'mon, trust me!"

While Gretchen was speaking, she had reached over to stroke David's forehead. His breathing slowed and his eyes grew heavy as the pain pill and the comforting touch relaxed him.

"Stay please?-- Stay till I fall asleep? What your're doing feels so good. Helpin' me think of something other than this damn twisting sharpness in my chest.", Starsky weakly slurred as the he felt himself sliding toward the rest his body sought.

Gretchen continued massaging David's temples and moved her hands down to his shoulders. She watched the pain lines smooth out on David's face as he sank deeper into a dreamless sleep.

She knew she felt more than just a clinical concern regarding this man in front of her. She found that she looked forward to spending time with him and helping him with his progress. But Rachel's plan was working. She was drawn to David in a way that confused her. She had to keep her emotions separate until her work with him was complete. She had to be able to push him toward recovery without giving in to a desire to protect him. He was still her patient, if only for a week or two more.

Starsky moaned in his sleep but reached out to touch Gretchen's hand. The contact immediately eased the dark haired man's tension and he continued sleeping peacefully.

After a few minutes, Starsky completely relaxed and his hands fell to his sides. He was breathing evenly again. Gretchen stood up to leave. She bent down and brushed her lips against David's forehead.

"So much for professionalism", Gretchen chided herself as she left the room.

-----------

Starsky slept peacfully until he heard his name. He was so comfortable. It was rare that he could find the perfect position that didn't cause any stress on his back or shoulder. But, wasn't that the way of hospitals? Someone always woke you up to see if you were okay!

He stretched his back against the mattress as he opened his eyes.

"David, sorry to wake you. David?" Mary spoke quietly. She hated waking him up but her shift ended in an hour and it was time for the dressing changes to Starsky's shoulder and chest.

The areas still had to be checked regularly for infection. The scars and wounds were still sensitive. One area on Starsky's shoulder was very slow to heal and was very painful.

Starsky yawned and sat up further in the bed.

"Mary, nothing personal but I'm getting real tired of this." Starsky grumbled as he readied himself for the wound care.

"I know David. But it's gotta be done. Aren't I your favorite nurse though?" She tried to distract David from the different gauze pads and salves she had gathered.

Usually she talked about her cat while tending to David's wounds. But today she could tell, nothing was going to help get his mind off the pain that this procedure caused him.

First she wet a gauze pad with water and gently placed it against the dressing on his shoulder. Starsky shivered as the cold seeped into his skin.

The pad underneath the wet one loosened enough so it didn't stick to the tender skin. As Mary removed both pads, Starsky sucked in his breath.

"That still hurts like hell when it's not covered. Boy is that ugly too." Starsky scrunched his head down so he could see the puckered, waxy looking skin.

Starsky watched as the other areas were exposed. But by the time Mary was done removing all the dressings, Starsky had his head back against the pillow with his eyes closed.

He still found it hard to look at his chest and stomach. It was lined with various scars of different sizes but they were all puckered and shiny. He had not seen the wounds on his back yet but he knew they were the biggest. He knew because it always took the nurses longer to work in that area than on his stomach and chest.

"Shit-- just hurry up!", Starsky grimaced and groaned as Mary pressed an area on his chest.

Mary had stopped talking as she worked on a particular scar but when Starsky complained, she continued with her latest Murphy, the cat story.

"---So I had to go convince Murphy to come out from under the bed. Those grandchildren of mine scare the dickens out of my cat everytime!" Mary had been recounting the latest cat story as she cared for Starsky. Mary saw the closed eyes and the pain lines on David's face had deepend, so she quickly finished what she was doing.

"Okay David, I'm sorry. I'm done now. Would you like some hot chocolate? I know your're always cold after this procedure so maybe that would help settle you." Mary offered.

"You are really good to me Mary. Sorry I get so short tempered but---" Starsky tried to apologize.

Mary stopped him from continuing as she patted his leg.

"You have done remarkably well. Believe me when I tell you that you have been the easiest patient to care for. I know it's bad when you complain because you put up with so much."

Mary gathered up the remnants of the wound care and threw everything in the red bin as she left the room.

Starsky sucked in a couple of deep breaths and tried to steady the nausea threatening to over take him. He laid as still as possible until the burning and ache over his body subsided. He closed his eyes as he imagined a time that he didn't have pain. He was not successful in conjuring up such a scenario.

-----

A short time later, Starsky opened his eyes as he heard whistling coming towards him.

He let out a deep sigh as the whistling got closer. He needed Hutch today. He needed the comforting steadiness of his friend.

Hutch appeared through the door but the whistling abruptly stopped when he saw Starsky stretched out in bed.

"Buddy, you okay?, the blond reached the bed and sat down beside the dark haired man. Hutch studied Starsky with concern in his eyes.

"Just a bad day blondie. My body wants a rest, my therapist says rest, so now,--- I rest!" Starsky sat up further in the bed and winced as the pain in his shoulder returned.

"Grey said I've hit a wall, and man, that's exactly how I feel!"

"Grey?", Hutch questioned.

"Yeah, it's Gretchen's nickname from when she was a kid"----

Before Starsky could continue, Hutch interrupted him again with a small shake of his head and a quiet laugh.

"So, it's like that now. Your mother's match making seems to be working!"

Starsky nodded in agreement but grew serious as he spoke to Hutch.

"Hutch, I don't know what to do here. I think Gretchen and I have a lot in common and I know we've gotten to be friends. I just don't know if what I feel is just,--well, gratitude or if there's more to it."

"Starsky you know as well as I do about the dangers of getting involved with someone your're trying to help. But buddy, I see something else here. You've got a look in your eyes that I haven't seen since Terri", Hutch advised his friend.

Starsky gulped at the mention of his soulmate but also realized that maybe he was being given another chance to find the bliss that was lacking in his life.

"I know. For the first time in ages I want to be with someone. Maybe it's almost dying that has me wanting to look for the rewards my life has to offer, but how can I? I feel so--- alien. I don't feel like a man and I have nothing to offer her." Starsky sighed and wiped away a few tears that had leaked out and traced a line down his face.

The two friends fell into a long silence. Both were lost in thought, speculating about the future and drawing the same conclusions.

Starsky looked down at his left hand. He reached over and picked up the exercise ball. He sqeezed his hand around the ball and watched as the tremor spread from his fingers up to his shoulder. He felt the needles and sting that followed the same path. Very faint finger impressions pitted the smooth surface. His arm felt heavy and he released his hold on the ball.

Next, he took in a deep breath. He felt the burning and pull in his chest.

He thought about the muscles and energy he needed when he was out in the streets. He needed power and strength. The reality hit as he reflected on his life as a street detective. At this point he could not raise his arms above his head. How could he climb, raise his gun or even reach for anything if he did not have the control and capacity to do the physical part of his job?

While Starsky was contemplating his future, Hutch watched as those conclusions crossed his friend's face.

He knew what Starsky had decided even before the man spoke the words. It saddened Hutch that there was nothing he could do for Starsky. The two men were accustomed to anticipating each other's needs and compensating or adjusting as required. But this time, Hutch knew that he did not hold the answer to Starsky's turmoil.

Starsky looked into the clear blue eyes of his partner and offered him a sad smile.

"Hutch, You know what I'm gonna say. I don't think I'm gonna be a cop again. I can't be the kind of street cop I was before. It wouldn't be safe for me or you. It just ain't realistic. But what the hell am I gonna do? I'm not giving up on my recovery. But I am ready to go home. I've got to live my life however I can, but I need my independence back. I need to get on with my life, whatever shape it takes.

"You know that I'll never let you give up on yourself. I'm here for you buddy.", Hutch whispered to Starsky.

He reached out to the dark haired man and gently picked up Starsky's left hand. He held that hand in both of his. Starsky didn't need to hear it in words, but he saw the pledge of trust in Hutch's eyes.

--------

The next morning promised to be a very different day for David Starsky. If he could have jumped out of bed to get the day going any faster, he would have.

The first thing he realized about this day was that he felt--- terrific!--

After the serious discussion last night with Hutch about his future, Starsky thought he would be up all night with worry. But he had taken a pain pill and for the first time, he slept through the night. He did not have any nightmares or wakeful periods.

When the nurse had come to take his blood pressure and pulse, Starsky asked Linda to page Dr. Brooks. Starsky wanted to start off his day talking to his rehab doctor. He had decided that he wanted to go home. Maybe that was why he felt so good this morning. He was ready to take back his independence and get on with living. Not in three weeks or even next week, he wanted to go home this week.

His talk with Dr. Brooks had been very positive. The doctor readily agreed that Starsky could go home by the end of the week.

"But you can't slow down with your therapy, David. It's still possible to build yourself up more and get more function from your lungs. Your left arm, shoulder and hand should also come back more. Maybe not as much as you want, but don't give up yet", Dr. Brooks lectured.

"Not givin' up on anything doc.", Starsky promised. Starsky was sitting on the edge of the recliner as if he was ready to run home that very minute.

Starsky continued thinking out loud.

"Personally, I think I'll do better now at home because I'll have more incentive. I want to get the most out of my body and being back in the 'real' world, I'll be able to gage exactly what I can do and what I need to work on more."

"Very good, David. I'll start gettting your chart together. But I do want you to complete some final tests before you go. I want to check your lung capacity, heart function and determine your overall strength. I want to evaluate what your progress has been and also give you a time line for what I think you should be able to accomplish. But don't worry, all this will be completed in time for you to go home by the end of the week."

At the mention of all the tests, Starsky's face had clouded over. He was about to disagree until the doctor echoed Starsky's desire to go home.

"Test all ya want, just get me outta here by Friday!", Starsky pleaded.

Dr. Brooks finished writing out all his plans and shook Starsky's hand as he left the room.

Five minutes later, Hutch and Starsky's mom walked in. Rachel had a container full of her secret chicken soup.

"So, you had your talk with the doctor and what was the diagnosis?". Hutch asked as he searched the dark haired man's face but only saw a determined grin on his face.

"I'm going home!! After some tests, I'm going home Friday. So if everything isn't ready at my new home, you better step it up!" Starsky slid over toward his mother and surrounded her in a great bear hug.

"David, behave yourself! Honey, Hutch told me what the two of you talked about and I agree. It's time to go home. I'm sorry that you think you can't go back to being a cop, but maybe just a different kind of cop would work? You have a lot of thinking to do and being at home is where you need to be doing that." Rachel smiled and kissed her son on the cheek.

Hutch sat in the straight backed chair as Starsky pulled out of his mother's embrace. Rachel moved out of the room to heat up the soup she had brought.

"Gordo, great news! I think you're doing the right thing. You never were one to sit around letting other people make decisions for you. You already seem happier and more determined."

Hutch couldn't get over how much more confident his friend seemed than even last night.

"Ya know, I think I had about the best nights sleep I've had for weeks. I feel in control again." Starsky paced around the room, too excited to keep still.

Starsky stopped in front of the window and stared out at the cloudless, bright day. He turned around and looked more serious as he spoke to Hutch.

"But Hutch, be honest with me. What about this house? I know you helped Ma buy it."

"It was no big deal. She only needed a small deposit to hold her bid and she's already paid me back. I think she would really like me to move in with you after she leaves. She doesn't want you to be alone and well--- what do you think?"

Hutch looked to Starsky for approval.

"I think it would be a great idea. If you think the house is okay and you put your own money in, then definately--- lets do it!" Starsky breathed a sigh of relief knowing that his mom had been honest with him.

"Your mother really loves you and wants you to be comfortable and safe. I think she'll feel better knowing she's leaving you with a substitue mother hen!", Hutch teased as he stood up to join Starsky at the window.

Rachel came back with three bowls of soup and they all sat down to enjoy the warm, golden chicken broth.

Rachel gathered up the empty bowls but pointed to the remaining container of soup and instructed her son about the leftovers.

"Now, there's enough left over for Gretchen to have some when she comes in. David, you be sure she knows it's here. She's such a nice girl. What are you going to do without her when you go home?"

Before Starsky could answer, Hutch chimed in with a gentle teasing comment.

"I don't think he'll be without her for very long, Rachel. Have you seen the way those two look at each other?"

Starsky shyly looked away from his mother and Hutch. This was not an emotion he was used to. Starsky was never shy about anything but he was not yet ready to acknowledge his feelings about Gretchen, particularly to his mother. But he was pretty certain she already knew how he felt.

Rachel laughed, got up and patted Starsky on the cheek.

"It's okay honey. You'll know what to do when the time comes. Hutch, can I get you to take me to the mall? I feel the urge to shop! If David is coming home by the end of the week, the house still needs spruced up a bit!"

Hutch stood up and laughed as he pictured Rachel loose on her shopping spree.

Rachel moved away from Starsky and stood in front of Hutch. She stood on her toes to reach up to him for a hug.

Hutch bent down and embraced her warmly and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Who am I to get in the way of a woman and a mall!", Hutch laughed and hugged Rachel again.

"Starsky, I'll be back after I drop your mom off and then I have to go make an appearance at the precinct before Dobey thinks I've forgotten where it is! I know there are some papers the captain wants you to sign so I'll bring them back."

Rachel left with Hutch, already bombarding him with questions about what color the shower curtains should be and if throw pillows should be on the couch or on the chairs.

Starsky was having a great day. He knew it would get better after Gretchen made her daily visit.

--------

Starsky decided to reverse their ritual. He would get the applesauce and water and wait for Gretchen. He was back sitting in the recliner and 1/2 hour later, Gretchen came through the door.

Starsky had been looking forward to her visit but when he saw the sadness in her eyes he wondered what was up.

Before he had a chance to ask, Gretchen pulled up the straight backed chair and sat next to Starsky. She did smile when she saw Starsky's choice of applesauce waiting for her.

"David, I have something to tell you." Gretchen seemed so sad that Starsky reached over to hold her hand in his. His brows knitted together as he worried about her silence.

"Gretchen, things aren't that bad---I'm going home!! Doc Brooks has me set up for some final tests and then I'll be going home Friday!"

Gretchen suddenly felt brighter as she saw David's happiness spread over his face.

"I know, David. I talked with Dr. Brooks awhile ago and he told me of your decision. I also gave him my decision. I asked him to take me off your case.--- don't say anything, just let me finish."

Gretchen held off Starsky's interruption by rushing through what she had to say.

"As of now, I am not your therapist. So I am not bound by patient/therapist restrictions and I can do something I've wanted to do for a month and if you interrupt me I'll loose my nerve."

Gretchen had said her peace quickly and at the end of her confession, she pushed her chair closer to Starsky, leaned into him and gently kissed his lips.

She pulled away and immediately felt foolish. Starsky hadn't said a thing. He just stared at her. But then---

Starsky leaned into Gretchen and kissed her back. Their lips met in a slow, tentative search which neither one was in a hurry to break.

Starsky reached up to stroke her face and Grethen let out a contented sigh.

Their lips separated but the eye contact held both of them.

Finally Starsky blinked and looked down at the smaller hands in his.

Starsky continued to hold the petite hands in his own as his voice carried all the emotion that Starsky could not hold back.

"Gretchen, I know that what is growing here is real. I don't want to spoil the mood but I gotta tell you how scared I am. I can't offer you anyhing. I don't have a job, I'm not in the best physical condition and my future is pretty uncertain. But if you're willing to take me as I am, then we have something pretty special to build on."

Gretchen's eyes swam in tears of joy as she answered the dark haired man.

"Just trust me David."

Starsky had lost the ability to speak and instead inhaled the sweet smell of her strawberry blond hair. He saw the green eyes sparkle with passion.

"Don't you see David? You have everything to offer me. All I want is you. I've gotten to watch you gain your independence. I see how hard you work. You'll be successful with whatever you reach for.-- There's no hurry here. Well, maybe a little---"

Gretchen smiled as the dark blue color of fear faded from Starsky's eyes and changed to the warmer, trusting, passionate shade she adored.

"Well, now what am I gonna do with you? I just wish we had more than applesauce to celebrate with!" Starsky leaned in again for another kiss, this time holding Gretchen's face in his hands.

They reluctently drew apart but smiled contentedly at each other. They sat in silence for a few minutes as they busied themselves eating their applesauce.

They enjoyed the next few hours, just talking about nothing and everything.

The spell was broken by the orderly who came to collect Starsky for the first of his tests. Gretchen went along, not wanting to let Starsky out of her site.

As Starsky was wheeled down the hall, he couldn't help thinking about this latest reward. Gretchen was definately sweet and he felt that he had been rewarded for enduring the difficult race to recovery. Gretchen walked along side the wheelchair and suddenly felt a gentle, affectionate hand slide into hers. She looked down as she saw David's left hand wrap around hers and squeeze.

---------

The tests were over and Friday finally arrived. Doctor Brooks had been pleased with all the results. Starsky's lung function had actually improved from a month ago. Everything else had also improved except for the condition of Starsky's left hand and arm. But nothing could darken his mood on this Friday morning.

Hutch and Gretchen had made several trips to the car with the various gifts, cards and clothes. Starsky had decided that he would give the flowers to the nurses as a thank you for all their care and compassion.

Hutch, Gretchen, Rachel and Starsky made a last look around in the closet and in the dressers making sure they had not forgotten anything.

As they were busily talking and laughing, Dr. Brooks poked his head in the room.

"Well, I see you're all ready. Can I talk to you all a minute before you go David?" Doctor Brooks had a very serious look on his face which David did not like at all.

"Doc, I did the tests, you signed the discharge papers and nothing is going to keep me from going home. Now either grab a bag and carry it to the car or say good bye now but don't hold me back!"

Starsky mumbled at the doctor and flashed him with a worried frown.

"David, you just might want to hear what I have to say. Three weeks ago I sent your records to a doctor in New York. I didn't say anything to you because I didn't want to be premature in my expectations. But there is a nerve and muscle specialist there who I consulted with about your condition. He is pretty sure he can help you" Dr. Brooks finished speaking and looked around him at the suddenly quiet room.

"What do you mean doctor? How could he help my son?" Rachel had been standing by the bed but instead she sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"Well, as I said, he is an expert with severe nerve and muscle damage in the extremities, particularly the hand and arm. He was extremely confident that he could correct your problem and give you back full range of motion and strength."

Starsky had been very quiet but at the doctor's last promise, Starsky's head snapped up to stare into the doctor's eyes, looking for truth.

"You mean, he can make my hand work again without pain, without the tremors?", Starsky questioned.

The doctor nodded his head but held up his hand in warning.

"But I need to caution you about the process. After the surgery, you'll be in the hospital for at least 2 months. For six weeks after the surgery, your arm will be immobilized. There will be a significant amount of swelling while the arm and hand heal. During the first six weeks, only gentle movements will be allowed and absolutely no lifing or even eating with it. After the six weeks, then the therapy will be aggressive. I suggest you go home and think about this."

"I don't need to think about anything. I'm ready. When can this guy get here?" Starsky felt real hope about his arm for the first time and was anxious to have it taken care of as soon as possible.

"Well, one thing for sure, you've got the best therapist you could ever want!, Hutch teased.

Starsky was still sitting in the wheelchair during this conversation. Gretchen moved closer to him and settled her arm around David's shoulder. He looked up at her and patted her hand. He saw trust and committment in the green eyes that looked into his.

"David I want what's best for you and I'll support whatever decision you make. But I'd rather be responsible for your entertainment than your therapy!" Gretchen blushed and Starsky winked.

Rachel was still sitting on the edge of the bed and now was quitely crying with joy. Hutch sat beside her and offered her a handkerchief.

"Dr. West can't get here for two weeks. I suggest you go home and build yourself up as much as possible. Work out as much as you're comfortable with but just be careful not to put any extra stress on your arm." Dr. Brooks offered the happy group.

Rachel sniffed and patted Hutch's hand as she questioned her son.

"David, I am so happy! But are you ready for more confinement and pain? I just want you to be realistic and not jump into anything without giving it enough consideration."

"Ma, I know its the best thing that could happen.! Dr. West is offering me my job back! I have to go for it!"

A range of emotions spread through the group, momentarily leaving everyone speechless.

Dr. Brooks smiled broadly and shook Starsky's hand. The circle of loved ones seemed initially stunned and did not immidately react. But suddenly the room erupted in a flurry of noise and celebration.

They all began talking at once and never noticed as Dr. Brooks left the room.

Hugs and tears mingled with the excited buzz of voices as they expressed their vow to offer love and support.

As for Starsky, he felt terrific! He was full of anticipation and overwhelmed as he cherished the sweet rewards that clung to him.


End file.
